Saturday, June 30, 2012

Words Never Whispered.

{My father died about a year ago. I thought that given the time, I had gotten over it, but I guess not? I'm not quite sure what happened... I just started crying at around 3:30am because of those memories. But I do know one thing: I regret not spending enough time with him. Part of it was because he worked constantly, and another part was because I was still a child; in my childish mind I thought he would never leave, even though I feared death because it had the power to take away my loved ones ever since I was five.}

I built myself to be so strong,
So indestructible under any circumstance.
Yet... Only one memory of you is
Enough to tear me apart.

We weren't close; in fact,
We were rather distanced.
Our conversations were neither
Deep nor meaningful - they were just...
Conversing placed between us.
Back then they were nothing, a daily occurence.
Yet now I hold them valuable,
Praying to never forget them.
If only I treasured them more back then.

The memories I have of you,
So strong yet weak to a certain extent,
Wise beyond your years, yet holding a child-like ease,
Are fleeting away from me.
No longer can I immediately think of your voice, your laugh...
I can only imitate it with uncertainty.

The photos of us together, less than a handful,
Are lost. Why did I not think of taking any?
Why was I so oblivious to this, only recognizing the want to now?

Why weren't we closer?
Was it because you were a workaholic, hoping to gain a better
Life for your children that you pushed us all away?
Or was it because I was a child you regret?
We had our moments, but I just wish there was more.

"I miss you, I love you.
Have a good day.
Good morning, good night."
Simple phrases that I miss saying... To you.
What onced seemed like a ritual is now
A want, a desire to be done.
I wish you could hear me, see me.
Then I could tell you all the things I had wanted to say,
All the things I keep bottled up, trapped, inside, me.
But now that can never be.
Now I can never say these words to you,
No matter how hard I try.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012


{So I finally saw the video of the bus monitor being bullied by teenagers. I don't remember EVER being that rude when I was around their age. And even now I don't think I'm like that. Growing up I was taught to be respectful to elders, not call them a "fatass" or giving them the finger every second. If I wasn't respectful enough? A slap on the arm. Even if my parents' way of teaching was a bit... Harsh, it worked didn't it? At least I have the decency to be nice to the elderly. Although the whole thing may be resolved, or at the most semi resolved, now, those children still made a huge negative impact to society. No one should harass someone, regardless of age, because of their weight, sexuality, looks, or mentally challenged they are.}

There may be doubts,
There may be worries.
Although fear may overcome you
At the darkest of times, I just want you to
Be able to reach towards your dreams.

Don't worry about the others who may bring you down,
Rather, start thinking about what to do once you get to 
The finish line.

Friday, June 22, 2012


We aren't friends.
We are just acquaintances with a background.

In the past, the times we
Spent together were times to be valued,
But now that we've both grown up, our
Friendship has deteriorated into nothingness.
It may have been memorable in the past,
But now with the passing times and
Changing seasons, our time became wasted.

Maybe it was my fault, or was it yours?
No... It was both our faults; we let this happen, 
Knowing the consequences.
We let go of the one strand of friendship we
Both had left for each other, letting it fall downwards,
Into the deep abyss.

Whenever I look back at our times together,
A pang will appear in my heart but I will be able to brush it away.
But the regret and memories will always surface
Whenever I see your face.
The face of a mere person I used to
Be close to.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Seeing Through Layers.

Behind a human's smiling face is
A sad, frowning child.
But because we are all given skills
That are not out of this world,
None of us can tell when others are
Hiding their true emotions.
If only we, as people, were given
X-ray like vision in order to see
Through different layers of the human's mind.
Maybe then a different society would rise.

Saturday, June 16, 2012


{I remember when I was younger, the first two friends I ever tried to be friends with completely blew me off. The first one trusted everyone /but/ me, and the second one tried to steal all of my friends and my crush. Because of their well... Bitchy attitude, I just repressed those memories. But at times, I wonder... How are they now? Do they still bare the "I'm better than you. Why should you have more friends? Why should I trust you?" attitude, or are they an entirely different person? And then, do they regret ever having met me? It's funny how my mind likes to dwell on questions that have no answers when I don't even remember one of the girl's name. xD}

One new message.
"Hello, how are you?"
An old acquaintance, a friend
From what seems as if a far away time.
An innocent question I'm sure, but
No matter how many times I roll it over in
My mind, I just can't shake off the memories
Of all that occurred before you broke off our communication.
Do I tell you all of it now? It's finally time to let it all out.
Staring at the blank screen, transfixed at the message and
The blinking cursor, I try my best to convey my emotions.

Although I want to tell them just how much
They have hurt my feelings, just how many
Sleepless nights I had over their betrayal,
My only response to their spontaneous message is,
"I'm fine. How have you been doing?"

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Creating Our World.

{So I was at the library today! I was going upstairs when this Hispanic family of 5+ looked at me and the mother murmured, "Don't talk to her. She's dangerous." to her children, then proceeded to glare at me, even hushing her children when they tried to question her about what she had just said. Honey, I'm not planning to bomb America. I could care less about ruining this country. Also. I KNOW ENGLISH. I don't know why so many people believe that I don't understand a hint of English. -_-. This is the second time people have told their children not to talk to me because I'm apparently "dangerous". LOLOL. What ever happened to keeping those thoughts to yourself?}

Away from this destruction,
Away from this wasteland we call home,
Let's run away.
Instead of being part of this dystopian society,
Let's create our own perfect world,
A place we deem incredible.
Rather than fall under their rule, be commanded
To do their bidding each and every day,
I want to be able to run free on this vast land and
Be able to show my children this world I created -
Without the help of society's views to criticize it and
Shape it in to the world we know now.
Is that so much to ask for?

Tuesday, June 12, 2012


{Top 10 languages I need to get better in/learn.
  1. Cantonese. I'm so bad at it right now. I bet all of my cousins think that I forgot the language. xD.
  2. Korean. Only because of Song Joong Ki. Andddd JB and JR. Ilovethosethree. @o@
  3. Mandarin. Seriously, both my parents know this language, something that could be incredibly beneficial to our future, yet they decide to teach their children Cantonese?
  4. Latin. Well... Just because. xD.
  5. French. Same as above. I've always loved those two languages, so why not?
  6. Hakka. Again, both of my parents know this. Why not teach it!?
  7. Japanese. I actually have no reason for this, I guess so that it looks better in resumes? I'mfourteenwhyamIthinkingofjobs.
  8. German. I'm turning more in to my brother. German is actually a pretty interesting language and well... If I do stick to my plans for college, I'll need it. ;-;
  9. English. This may sound funny, but I do need to improve my English. I get so confused with the English language and there are some terms that I should know, but don't (ex. What is noon? What is dawn? I got math questions marked wrong because I didn't know what times those were).
  10. Arabic. Again, better resume!
What are your top 10?}

The key to communication.
A vital necessity needed in this day and age.
In order to be familiar and work
Your way around this world, knowing
A universal language will be the utmost
Beneficial to your survival during your time here.

Whether it be for job interviews or day to day
Conversing, languages are set up in order to
Stop confusion during an oral conversation.

However, the line between right and wrong
For this language is blurred, deteriorating every
Second the language is used.
Why is this?
Can't we as humans learn to protect at least
One thing?
Why shorten the grammar and spelling simply
To save space?
Setting a bad example for future generations,
This once perfect language will now be in
Ruins, thanks to our current society of sloths.

Saturday, June 9, 2012


{Sometimes I wish I wasn't blood related to my sister. When I was younger, she would call me rude names, get mad at me for the dumbest things, ignore and yell at me for talking to her, scream her head off when I brushed my hand against her, and looked at me with eyes that shouted that I should have never been born. Now she expects me to have a positive outlook on the following weeks with her. How do I do that to someone who treated me as an animal? My self esteem is already in the negatives thanks to her and I can't smile a genuine smile. But when I try to blame all this on her, I can't. Maybe I should have never been born...}

To separate one's self from others
Is an act to be alone, to be apart from them.
But in reality, all they ever want is to be with someone.

In order to not get hurt, in order to
Not get attached to others, pushing them
Away is the best thing to do.
But in reality, I just...
I don't want to be alone.

Diving in.

{I'm running out of ideas for thisssss. OTL. TT-TT}

Let's dive under water and have
All of our physical faults masked.
Blocking out the features that others judge,
Can we live our lives better?

In order to stop the useless rumours
From hurting others because of their insecurities,
Let's stop it by going under and hiding the
Faults that others can easily see.
Just what are we waiting for?
It's time to dive in.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Next to You.

{HOT GIRLS WE GOT PROBLEMS TOO, WE'RE JUST LIKE YOU EXCEPT WE'RE HOT. /Shot, killed, butchered, and thrown away.}

Your glance follows her, trailing her every move.
A smile that's never shown to others, is shown
When you talk to her.
Please don't say that you don't love her.
It's obvious by the way you act.
I should know; I've always looked your way.

It hurts to see this sad, sad truth be unveiled.
But... As long as you're happy, I'm happy... Right?
Although others can live with that, it will always
Be a lie in my mind.

Truth be told, I'd rather be the one beside you,
Walking side by side, harmonizing in footsteps.
But alas, it was never meant to be.
I may curse the two of you to oblivion, cry my
Eyes out to get over this, yet still manage to
Smile when you two are around... But in truth...
I just want to be next to you.
Is that so much to ask?

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Happy Endings.

{I'm too negative for my own good.}

He likes her, you like him.
Just the way the story goes.
No happy endings or a sudden
Twist of fate caused by a meeting.
And that's the way it has always been.
A story that involves a broken heart.

If only this story could be tweaked
And edited to fit the desired outcome.
Maybe then a happy ending will form.
In an unjust world, stories like this
Appear all the time; whether we like it or not.
You like him, yet he likes her.
Just what is this unhappy ending?

Saturday, June 2, 2012


Just who am I?
Is this smile really real?
Or is it just a facade, put on
In order to "fit in" with the others?

Although everyone is "smiling",
Just how many of those people smile
A genuine smile?
How many of them can truly say that
They are always happy when smiling?

Through today's society and life,
A fake smile is always around.
Are you one of the holders of
That type of smile?