Broken Strand

Somewhere along the lines
The strand keeping us together
Tore apart.
You changed, as did I.
By the time we realized
We had already become
Two such people unrecognizable
To the other.
It was far, far too late
To rewind time -
So we kept it as is.
Our sole connection was cut off.

Maybe someday
I'll mend the strand
And rekindle the friendship
We once had.

Maddening

{I was skyping with a friend last night, and we ended up telling each other about our love lives. LOL.}

Our breathes joined together
Forming that one perfect moment
When our souls combined.
We spoke our feelings
Going hours on end
About our love
For another.
It was maddening to know
That the ones we loved
Would never look our way.

Selfish Desires

Please, just put up with my selfish requests a little longer.
Soon, you can forget me.
Soon, my existence won't matter.
So at least for now, put me at the top.

Just a little longer and we'll part ways forever.
Although you mean the world to me,
It's positive that I'm just... There in your mind.
Tell me, did I ever make a dent in you
Like you did to me?

Now, we won't see each other each day anymore.
Every day conversations won't be "every day."
We'll never ask each other for help anymore.
You'll forget about me.
And I'll hopefully forget about you, too.
Although I say that, it isn't actually true.

I'll never forget about you.
You've left too much of an impression on me,
And it's a shame you'll never know that.
I liked you far too much.
And you never felt the same.
I was a nuisance to you, wasn't I?
I'm so sorry.

Just a little more...
And it will be our goodbye.
I won't miss you.
I will forget you.
We'll talk someday.
Although those will be the complete truth for you,
I'm the exact opposite.

My final selfish desire
Is for you to be free.
Be happy.
Thank you for putting up with me.

Fifteen.

{Guys it's exactly 1:10am and I'm still not done with homework. : ). Brb shooting self----. Anyways... I'm so tired. ;-;. I just want to sleepppp. And I really don't want to go to school this week. Or next week. Or any week. ; 3;. Here, have a story I wrote for another website.  /sobs. OH. Someone please tell me: Why is writing about "love" so... Easy? Lolol, I've been trying to refrain from using that as a topic but I find it as one of the easiest go-to subjects to write about... OH WELL BACK TO DOING A STUDY GUIDE ON OSMOSIS AND DIFFUSION YEAH!}

   "Mom, did you ever... Like anyone when you were fifteen?"

   "Who hasn't? Come to think of it... You're turning fifteen tomorrow, aren't you? You'll be at the age when my first love ended!" Chuckling, she added, "Honestly, I wouldn't be the same if that didn't happen to me then."

   The woman reminisced about her teenage years, remembering the sights, sounds, and smells she encountered during her years as a student. Looking at her bright-eyed daughter who was still so pure and innocent, seeming as if she had never gotten hurt before, the woman suddenly saw herself in her child. Not only were the facial features similar, but the air the child gave off, it was very much like the feeling the woman gave off years before - a gentle, kind presence that didn't know the meaning of heartbreak. 

   "Would you like to hear how my first love ended?" The woman asked.

   The child smiled, full of curiosity and wonder as to what her mother was like and who she loved when she was a teenager. Slowly the woman smiled, the answer evident on the child's face. It was clear to her that her daughter wanted to know of the past, and more about her mother.

   "Alright! This might be a long one though, so try to stay awake! It all started when I was fourteen..." The woman's voice grew warmer, and she closed her eyes to relive her memories.

   "My first love wasn't like any other boy. He was clumsy, a coward, and didn't have any aspects that made him stand out from the crowd. Maybe that's why I liked him. Seeing boys that were perfect all day from the television and magazines, I guess I felt that 'perfect' boys were just... Too ordinary? They lost their appeal once I noticed that most of them had rotten personalities. This man however... He was different. He was genuinely nice to everyone he met, even the ones who picked on him. Those types of boys are rare, I tell you! Compared to your father, this man was a lot nicer. I met him through my school's Writing Club. In each club, there will always be at least one person who sits alone in the corner and doesn't interact with people and... He was that one person. I remember when I first met him, he had his head buried in his journal, jotting down whatever he could think of. His dark brown, shaggy hair covered his eyes - I later found out he had the most beautiful, green eyes I had ever seen - and I didn't like him at all. He was a freak; he had friends but they were all very... Odd. Needless to say, I avoided him at the beginning of Writing Club. The only reason I started talking to him was because I had the chance to read what he wrote. His writing style was uncanny. It was sad, yet happy. Warm, but cold. It showed how he depicted things through his eyes. It told us of just how much he enjoyed life; although the things in between hurt him, he would always write about how he loved that part of life too. He saw the world from a different perspective; he was neither an optimist nor a pessimist. The moment I read his stories, I was captured. Soon after, I started to talk to him more, and I finally got to know the boy with the green eyes. Turns out, he wasn't as weird as I had perceived. He was just quiet and shy. In my mind, he was that antisocial kid who thought high school was a bore and just wanted out of it. But in the end, he wasn't like that in the slightest - he loved school and the thought of making friends. We started talking more during the club and school day. It even got to the point where the two of us would walk home together! I fell in love with his personality and I wanted so desperately to tell him... But I couldn't. I was so afraid that he wouldn't like me back or that our relationship would be broken. Instead of confronting my fears like I should had done, I ended up succumbing to them and keeping my relationship with him the same. Summer vacation was right around the corner and at that point, we were inseparable. I remember on the day of my fifteenth birthday, the two of us had planned to meet up the weekend school ended on Saturday at three in the afternoon. I was elated. This would have been our first 'date' together! The few days before our meeting I coordinated my outfit multiple times; I just couldn't find the right outfit to wear. Finally, I decided on a simple white dress that reminded me of him - he was pure, just like the colour white. I arrived at the meeting spot half an hour early, hoping to impress him when he showed up. As the time drew closer to three, my heart began to pound, the pounds gaining speed as the minute hand ticked toward the twelve. It was finally three!

   3:10pm. 

   3:20pm. 

   3:30pm. 

   3:40pm. 

   3:50pm. 

   4:00pm.

   I waited for an hour, holding on to the last bit of hope I could, just wondering when he would arrive. Still, I kept waiting for him, eventually waiting for two hours for him to come. 

   He never did.

   I was hurt. It couldn't have been possible for him to forget our plan so easily, was it? It wasn't that long since school was over; school only ended just three days prior. That day, I experienced firsthand how it felt to be stood up. Dejected, I walked home, my head down low. As soon as I stepped into my house and walked into my room, I cried. It was a petty reason to cry, but it was still a reason. The rest of the summer flew by without me talking to him again.

   Once school started, I still couldn't get over him. I looked for him around campus and in Writing Club, but he was nowhere to be found. None of his friends could tell me where he was either. He just... Disappeared. It was as if he was carried away by the wind. Knowing me, I don't take no for an answer. I never did, and I never will. That day, I walked to his house, hoping to see where he was. Once I got there I was greeted by his mother who... Aged a lot. Just a few months earlier she was very animated despite her age and now... Her head was covered in grey hairs and he body seemed too frail. She was like a twig; I was afraid that if I put any pressure on her she would snap in half. Thankfully she remembered me - it would have been awkward if she forgot! She invited me in and made me my favourite tea, Early Grey. We chatted, and for a second, her expression brightened. A smile crept onto her face and I finally saw the woman she once was before summer vacation came. After a while, I decided to ask her about him and where he was and... That's when things took a turn for the worse. Her expression dropped and it seemed like she was near tears. And that was when I found out why he couldn't meet me that Saturday afternoon. He was crossing the street when a driver crossed a red light and hit him. He died that day."

   Tears began to fall from the woman's eyes. She bit her lip, hoping to suppress them. However, the more she tried, the easier it was for them to fall. At that point, she couldn't stop. The tears kept falling, almost as if to make up for the time she lost not crying. Recollecting her thoughts, the woman continued on with her story, the tears still rolling down her cheeks.

   "I was shocked... Honestly. His mother didn't blame me at all despite the fact that he was going to meet me. Although she accepted his death she still couldn't handle the fact that she outlived her own child. If you died before me, I wouldn't know what to do. The shock was too much for me. At the time, I couldn't cry because the thought that he was dead was far too great for my mind to comprehend. I suddenly felt the urge to leave the house, but before I could reach the door, his mother stopped me. She told me to wait a few minutes while she went to get something. When she came back, she handed me a box. She told me that her son wanted to give me that on the day he died and that I should take it. I accepted the gift from her hands and said my goodbyes, as well as my apology for bringing up a painful memory, and with that, I ran toward my house. I rushed into my room, still dazed about what happened to him, and completely forgot about the box. When I finally realized that it was in my hand, I plucked all of my courage and opened it carefully, making sure not to destroy it. Inside the box was a necklace. It had my favourite flower, the rose, in my favourite colour, mint. I caressed it in my hand, and suddenly, the fact that he was dead hit me. I could never see him again. I could never talk to him again. Joke with him. Laugh with him. I couldn't do any of the things that were so normal between us again. He was gone."

   The woman stopped and wiped the excess water away from her eyes; she had stopped crying, but the tears weren't dry yet. Sucking in a deep breath, the woman finished off her story.

   "And that was how my first love ended. What do you think?" She looked at her daughter, who's eyes were rimmed with tears.

   "Is that really how it ends? There wasn't a happy ending to it?" The daughter replied, sniffling.

   "Unfortunately, yes. You see... Sometimes there are no happy endings. Unlike the characters in the stories society gives you, life doesn't offer happy endings. Sometimes, life won't work out like how we want it to, and sometimes, it will. Although my first love didn't have an amazing ending, I have one now. I have you, and I have your father. You two make up my 'happy ending'. Like I said before, if I hadn't met my first love or experienced the things I did back then, I would have never been able to become the person I am today. This may be hard to understand at your age, but I promise, in the future, you'll understand everything."

   The woman smiled at her daughter and arose from her seat. Walking towards the kitchen, she played with her rose-shaped pendant necklace, rolling it around in her fingers.

   "Honey, I'm making tea now. Would you like any? I'm sure that after that story you'd like to have something refreshing."

   "What kind?" Asked the daughter, peaking her head out of the top of the couch. 

   The woman let out a soft chuckle and replied, "Early Grey Tea."

Friends to Acquaintances.

{Jghfuhf. My phone deleted the note I had of this again. TT TT. In other news, ugh. High school is starting. I'M GOING TO DIE-----}

I wonder how long it's been
Since I talked to you this way.
That familiarity we once had
Has long since disappeared due
To the passing time and
Our changing personalities.
How are you now?

We used to be friends,
But even the best of friends grow apart.
Our personalities and common interests
Changed, and finally, a rift was formed.
No longer were we "friends".
At most, we were now acquaintances.
Are your new friends nice?
Are you happier with them?
Although your current friends
Never accepted nor liked me, I'm just
Glad they liked you.

I may call you a hypocrite for
Becoming friends with
The people you vowed to never
Get close to and for changing
Your personality to "fit in"
With the popular kids but in truth... Aren't I the same?
I may nag about just how much
People shouldn't change but in
The long run, I do that more than anything.
In truth... I may just be the biggest hypocrite of all.

In this world, the only way to make friends
Is to either be yourself or to change yourself to suit their liking.
Although the first is the better option, the second
Is unfortunately, usually what most people pick.
In the end, you and I fell victims to society.

Dear friend, how are you now?
Now that time has passed, do we see eye to eye?
Are you finally showing your true self
In front of your current friends?
Or are you still a victim of society?

Acquaintance.

We aren't friends.

We are just acquaintances with a background.

In the past, the times we

Spent together were times to be valued,

But now that we've both grown up, our

Friendship has deteriorated into nothingness.

It may have been memorable in the past,
But now with the passing times and

Changing seasons, our time became wasted.

Maybe it was my fault, or was it yours?

No... It was both our faults; we let this happen, 

Knowing the consequences.

We let go of the one strand of friendship we

Both had left for each other, letting it fall downwards,

Into the deep abyss.

Whenever I look back at our times together,

A pang will appear in my heart but I will be able to brush it away.

But the regret and memories will always surface

Whenever I see your face.

The face of a mere person I used to

Be close to.

"Hello."

{I remember when I was younger, the first two friends I ever tried to be friends with completely blew me off. The first one trusted everyone /but/ me, and the second one tried to steal all of my friends and my crush. Because of their well... Bitchy attitude, I just repressed those memories. But at times, I wonder... How are they now? Do they still bare the "I'm better than you. Why should you have more friends? Why should I trust you?" attitude, or are they an entirely different person? And then, do they regret ever having met me? It's funny how my mind likes to dwell on questions that have no answers when I don't even remember one of the girl's name. xD}

One new message.

"Hello, how are you?"

An old acquaintance, a friend

From what seems as if a far away time.

An innocent question I'm sure, but

No matter how many times I roll it over in

My mind, I just can't shake off the memories

Of all that occurred before you broke off our communication.

Do I tell you all of it now? It's finally time to let it all out.

Staring at the blank screen, transfixed at the message and

The blinking cursor, I try my best to convey my emotions.

Although I want to tell them just how much

They have hurt my feelings, just how many

Sleepless nights I had over their betrayal,

My only response to their spontaneous message is,

"I'm fine. How have you been doing?"

Atmosphere.

Do I belong here?
In an environment filled with
People I'm acquainted with,
Why do I feel so out of place?

Maybe they have more bonds
With each other than I will ever have,
Or maybe it's that through this
Short period of time they've been
Together, they are closer than
I am to any of them.

Should I try to be closer to them
With this meek and shy demeanor?
Or should I just stay here,
Alone in my own atmosphere?

Bus Station.

{So during my field trip, I saw one of my classmate's being alienated by her friends when we entered the tour bus. Being the type who's also usually ignored, I had to write this.}

A crowded area filled
With strangers all around.
If you're lucky you get
A friend to travel with.
But what if you're unlucky?

Supposed to be a fun, exciting feature,
Yet it has turned into a horrible
Experience, where your "friends"
Isolate you from it all.
Oh how I wish for this to end.

Just get me away from them.

Behind the Smile.

{I just got back from my school field trip! It was such an amazing experience to be able to go camping, something I'd never done before. : ). I never did realize how dependent I was of things such as showers though... OTL.}

Behind this smile I'm
Breaking down and sobbing.
No matter how much I
Show a happy expression,
I can't change my feelings inside.

Why must this happen to
Only me when everyone else gets away?
Is it because life hates me,
Or is this how I have to atone for my sins?

Should I keep faking my personality
So that society can accept me?
Or should I be myself, even more
Isolated from everyone else?

When can I truly smile a
Happy smile, and feel
Like myself?

Prompt 1.

{Decided to actually write to a prompt. This was probably one of the hardest things I had ever written.

Prompt: Write a poem about something that has happened to someone you know.}

Premature death.

Unable to see your newborn nephews

Before they were even able to see... To feel life.

The blow of knowing this may have

Hit stronger if it was the first time.

Separation from groups,

Not being able to fit in.

Trying so hard to be "like the others"

Yet still trying to show who you are as a person.

Tell me, is it hard to

Live that way?

Or has it already become a habit to you,

Living as someone you might not be?

We may have drifted apart as friends,

But just know that

You seemed to have been my
First friend, one of my best friends.

You are stronger than you think.

Flying.

We were scared of the future.
Not knowing what to expect,
We hesitated, not wanting to
Change our happy lives.
While everyone else stood
On the other side of the cliff,
We stayed back, unwilling to move forward.
Or rather, I made you stay behind.
I held back your wings.

Spending time with you, I
Could sense the changes I dreaded most.
I, who was the closest to you,
Felt that at times, I was the farthest away.
You shined with the others, radiating
A warm glow, clearly happy to be with them.
Whereas I dimmed, not wanting to stand out.
Eventually even concealing your glow.

As time passed and we grew older and more mature,
I realized that the only thing stopping you from
Changing and spreading your wings was me.
Having a stubborn personality, I refused to
Accept that fact, and instead ignored it.
But... The more I looked into your eyes,
The more I could see you yearning to be with them,
Almost like a child wanting a toy he can't have.
It pained me to see that expression, but
I just didn't want to be alone anymore.

However, the expression finally hit me, and...
I pushed you.
We aren't together anymore.

Now we aren't together hesitating on our future.
You, who belonged on that side, is now
Soaring with the others, emitting an expression
That was never shown when you were with me.
While I am still here, afraid to fly.
Although I can't gather the courage to go over to your side,
I'm glad you do.
I hope that someday, I can
Meet you again, with a smile on my face
Under this shining sun.
And together, we will fly.

Thank You

{Based on my sister? Meh...}

Thank you for always supporting me,
And for always pushing me forwards when
I had wanted to give up and crawl into a hole.
Thank you for giving me second chances
When I had done the dumbest things imagined
Or when I had said something out of line.
Thank you for just being there, even when I
Felt like I didn't need you around.
Thank you for teaching me how to stand up
For what I want, and for setting examples on
Just how to stand up for them.
In terms, thank you for being you.

Our relationship in the past may have been
Filled with petty arguments and complete
Disregard for the other's feelings, but
Now that our relationship has gotten better
In a course of only a few years, that is
A good thing, right?

I'm grateful that you took the time to teach me
How to do things, such as folding paper stars,
Or teaching me how to swim.
Many times, you have taught me things that
Have a permanent affect on my life.
That is why, thank you.
Thank you for being my sister.

Moments

Time is passing.
The clock is ticking.
Slowly, time is moving forward,
And the remaining amount of time I have
Left here is drifting farther away.
Until when will I be able to make my own choices
And not be pressured to make the "right choice"?

Cherishing the hiding places a little more,
Admiring the scenery seen only here,
Enjoying the time spent with the people found only here.
I will cherish these all in my heart and
Not try to forget the moments I make.
Will this get me anywhere though?
Won't I just drift farther away from reality?

Chattering going all around from different times,
First my siblings, then my parents, and finally my grandparents.
Saving their conversations into my head to never forget,
Taking pictures of the scenery in order to always remember,
So that when time finally stops, I will be prepared.

Even if this isn't the "right" thing to do,
It doesn't matter - I will try my best to remember
These moments.

Mistaken Friendship

Swallowed up in petty

Illusions, friendships turned false

And feelings turned bitter.

What ever happened to the time

When we were friends, and

Nothing like this was ever

A problem to us?

Or was it just me who had thought

That we were friends and that

I treated your kindness and pity

As something that connected us through

Friendship?