Saturday, March 31, 2012


A figure that cares for you.
One that nurtures your existence.
An embodiment of love and
Compassion for their child.
But... Did she ever show any of that?

They say that a mother is the type
To be there for you when
You need her.
If that's true, where was she?
No... Where is she?

Does she ever hear my cries for help
And does she notice my melancholy demeanor?
Between burdening her with my troubles,
Or telling her how I feel,
I don't want to make her feel worried.
She is, after all, working hard
For a better life for her children.

That is why I will
Lock away my worries and
My fears from her.
Will that help me in the end?

By definition, a mother is
A person who protects their child,
Supporting them through decisions,
Warning them of the consequences,
Guiding them through their problems and
Including their child in big decisions that
Affect their life too.
As much as I wish for my mother to be the
"Perfect" mom, she isn't.
In fact, she is the complete opposite of that.
Instead of being like those types of mothers though,
She is something much, much more.
Not living up to the stereotypes, she is a
Perfect example of
What I would like to become.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Goals: Theirs versus Mine

Long before when I was young
I grew up with a clear goal in mind.
But as I got older, that dream
Was brought down, leaving me hopeless.
"You aren't cut out for it," or
"It isn't the right choice," were heard
commonly in my past.

Affected by their words I
Hid my dreams... And who I was
As a person... As an individual.
In order to make them proud,
I changed my goal to
Fit their wishes, their aspirations
But... Was that truly what I wanted?
It left me empty.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012


We are moving forwards.
Even if we don't realize it,
We are changing in many different ways.
Before, we were children who
Were immature and bratty.
Now we have blossomed into people
Who are fully matured and
Ready to take the world head on.

Once long ago, we were all seeds trying to
Survive in a big and dangerous world.
Today, we are flowers who have made an
Impact on the world, changing it and others
In a multitude of different ways.

Monday, March 26, 2012


Fly high, my little bird.
Fly to higher grounds above
This treacherous landscape that is
Filled with pollution and trash.
Be free from this chaos on earth,
Escape to different lands and be sure to

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Thank You

{Based on my sister? Meh...}

Thank you for always supporting me,
And for always pushing me forwards when
I had wanted to give up and crawl into a hole.
Thank you for giving me second chances
When I had done the dumbest things imagined
Or when I had said something out of line.
Thank you for just being there, even when I
Felt like I didn't need you around.
Thank you for teaching me how to stand up
For what I want, and for setting examples on
Just how to stand up for them.
In terms, thank you for being you.

Our relationship in the past may have been
Filled with petty arguments and complete
Disregard for the other's feelings, but
Now that our relationship has gotten better
In a course of only a few years, that is
A good thing, right?

I'm grateful that you took the time to teach me
How to do things, such as folding paper stars,
Or teaching me how to swim.
Many times, you have taught me things that
Have a permanent affect on my life.
That is why, thank you.
Thank you for being my sister.

Saturday, March 24, 2012


You, who shines so bright
And me who follows your light.
I'm happy to see you shine
But I know you will never be mine.

I'm afraid to get too close
Else I'll be burned by the sun.
That's why I'm happy to see from afar.
Others may reach you first
and someday I won't be able to
Watch you anymore.
But I hope that you'll always
know that you will be my sun.

You're a leader, I'm a follower
Who is attracted to your light.
Others are more fit to be next to you,
But I can still dream, right?
Although I am one of the thousands in your eyes,
Just know that to me, you are
The only one my eye follows all the time.

I thank you for making my perspective of
The world broaden, opening my mind to different things.
For that I applaud and thank you.
Thank you so, so much for being
My light
In the darkest moments of my life.

Friday, March 23, 2012

A Child's Life

{After spending 5 hours with my 5-6 year old cousins, I had ended up feeling a bit envious of how carefree they were to everything, something that led me to write this. : )}

Laughing, pointing, smiling.
Going around in circles and
Not caring for the world.
Covering the same topics
Over and over again, facing
The same excitement as they did before.
How I wish I could go back
To a life where we were all just
Little kids playing around, without worrying about
Today's view on our "fun".

Without worrying about deadlines and homework,
Or about crushes and betrayal,
The life of a child is something desirable to us,
Desirable to me.
If only I could go back and become one
Amongst the young and have fun the way
I had always imagined it.

Being able to run around carefree,
And being able to flaunt around play doh bracelets with pride,
A child's life is something enjoyable that I wish to be a part of again.

As long as I keep dreaming however, I can remember
Those precious memories and
Relive those moments over and over again.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012


{Ever met someone that always talks whenever you try to speak? Yeah...}

Like an annoying bee with its incessant buzz,
Or a melody that goes on and on with no change,
Your voice plays on in my head, sounding out vital comments and thoughts.
Voicing in your opinion too fast, completely blocking out mine,
I stand there, not letting a single sound come out of
My open mouth, looking like a fool with a peeved expression.
But as long as I smile off the frown, I'll be okay,
And your voice will no longer sound in my head as long as
I block out the chatter spewing out of your mouth.
Just like covering my ears and head when a bee comes around,
I'll block your figure and voice out of my mind
So that you won't be able to "sting" me with your venom and hurt me
Just like a bee would.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

A Bird, Dog, or Cat?

{A memory from my childhood. : ). When I was younger, my father had asked me this very question. Back then, I hadn't thought much about it, but after a while, I began to realize that this question did somehow show how I act around others.}

     "If you could choose to be any animal you would like, which one would you be? A bird, dog, or cat?"
     "Well... I think I would choose a cat! Why?"
     "Story states that whichever animal you chose to be would be how you acted in the future."
     "Eh... Then what does a cat mean?"
     "It means that in the future, you would often be alone, and make little friends that you would hold close."
     "Then... What did the bird and dog mean?"
     "Well... The bird meant that you want to be free and that you will make a few close friends, that is what your sister chose. The dog meant that you will be talkative around others and make a multitude of close friends, even if some were fake."
     "So what did you choose father? A bird?"
     "Me? I chose a fish."
     "Oh really? What did the fish mean?"
     "It meant that I had wanted to be lazy, less productive..."


Time is passing.
The clock is ticking.
Slowly, time is moving forward,
And the remaining amount of time I have
Left here is drifting farther away.
Until when will I be able to make my own choices
And not be pressured to make the "right choice"?

Cherishing the hiding places a little more,
Admiring the scenery seen only here,
Enjoying the time spent with the people found only here.
I will cherish these all in my heart and
Not try to forget the moments I make.
Will this get me anywhere though?
Won't I just drift farther away from reality?

Chattering going all around from different times,
First my siblings, then my parents, and finally my grandparents.
Saving their conversations into my head to never forget,
Taking pictures of the scenery in order to always remember,
So that when time finally stops, I will be prepared.

Even if this isn't the "right" thing to do,
It doesn't matter - I will try my best to remember
These moments.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Bedtime Stories

{Tried my hand at fairy tale stories today. Honestly, it reminds me of a story set in a war if anything. xD}

       "Grandfather! Tell me a bedtime story - any story!"
       "Alright Emma, settle down. Let's tuck you into bed first... What type of story would you like to hear?
       "Aha, anything Grandfather, anything!"
      "Well... Have you ever heard the story of the fated birds?"

        Legend states that there were two birds who fell in love. However... one bird had to leave the other, saying that he will be back as soon as he could. In order to keep his promise, the male bird told his lover to wait for him at their most important spot - the spot where they first met behind the old oak tree. The female bird, saddened by the news, waited for the male to come back at the exact same spot, sometimes even reenacting how they first came to talk to each other. She waited years, thinking that if she stayed in the same spot, he would come back, no matter how long it took. However, time waits for no one, no matter how much you plead, I'm afraid. The once majestic bird turned into an old bird, her beautiful, shiny white feathers turning into clumps of oily grey. Finally, after the fifth winter without him, her body could take it no more, and her health deteriorated, causing her to die from old age. However, in her last moments, she did not die a pitifully. Before her eyes closed for the last time, she had envisioned her lover, as handsome as he could be, flying overhead, his once tiny wings turned into magnificent, vivid wings that would bring clear envy to anyone who is in view. Delighted by the sight, the bird closed her eyes, contented with seeing her lover from afar.
        Finally, in the spring of the new year, the male bird had finally come back. He raced back to the spot behind the oak tree, only to find that it was taken down, and the area that once was covered in the shadow of the oak tree was now a flat area of grass. Stopping in his tracks, the male bird began to go towards where the tree used to be slowly, hoping that if he got close enough, the tree would still be there, and the one he was searching for would be behind it. Unfortunately, she was not found anywhere. Confused, he headed back to her parents' home, a fantastic nest that only the finest would have, and after the formal greetings, asked where their daughter was - only to find out she had died just a month before he arrived. Refusing to believe that the love of his life was dead, the parents' gave him the area where their daughter was buried, and he set off, just praying that what he just heard was a lie. After finally getting to the area, the bird found out that in fact, the parents' had told the truth. His lover, the one that supported him through everything, is dead. Tears streaming down his face, the bird stood in silence honoring the memory of his first love, the most precious person he had ever met, the one he cherished the most.

     "...And so, the male bird left the area, trying to start anew in different places, but never forgetting the memories he made with her."
     "But wait... Grandfather, did the bird ever find another love?"
     "Why, of course he did! Eventually, he settled down and started a family. But... No one can ever replace the person you gave your all to, can they? Now, get to bed! It's 10:00!"
     "But Grandfa-"
     "No buts tonight missy! Now, go to bed, and tomorrow night, I can tell you a different story, one about squirrels! Haha, good night Emma."
     "... G'nite Grandfather..."

~ ~ ~

     "Darling, I... I told Emma our story. Can you believe that it's been over 40 years since the last time I talked to you in person? I... I wish that I could talk to you again, and this time, I want to be able to stay with you forever. But... I don't think I can leave yet, not until Emma becomes an adult. So until then, can you continue to wait for me? I promise that the next time we meet, we will be together without having another person wait just even a second more. Darling, I love you. And... I'm sorry I made you wait five years before I finally came back. But... I'm eternally grateful that you still loved me nonetheless, even waiting for me at your deathbed. That is why... Thank you. I hope I can pass this story on to our great grandchildren in the future. Until then, good night my love."

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

You Left.

{I... Was feeling a bit emotional today.}

I searched for you in the empty house today.
But... No matter how hard I looked for you,
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't find you.
Why did you leave without a word?
Why did you decide to leave at my weakest time?
Was it because you wanted to?
Or was it because you wanted us to change?
I admit that our family wasn't sane, nor was it normal.
And maybe there were unnecessary fights amongst each other,
Amongst ourselves, really.
But... Did you have to leave us?
Is this what they call divine retribution?

We may not have been incredibly close,
But I had truly believed that you would stay.
I had felt that although I couldn't get along
With other people my age, I could at least
Depend on you on the times when I was
Tired of it all, and wanted to cry to my heart's desire.
But... Now that I have that feeling weighing on my chest,
Where are you? Why are you nowhere to be found
At this lonely place we call home?

If you could, would you come back to me,
Come back to us? Or do you prefer
The life you have now, with no restrictions and responsibilities?
Is there ever a moment in your mind where
You think about us, and wonder if we missed you?
Honestly, if I could forcibly bring you back, I would.
But... That is not within my powers.

Do you miss us, even if it's just a sliver?
Because we miss you.
We miss you more than anything else.
We love you, with all of our hearts.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Mistaken Friendship

Swallowed up in petty
Illusions, friendships turned false
And feelings turned bitter.
What ever happened to the time
When we were friends, and
Nothing like this was ever
A problem to us?
Or was it just me who had thought
That we were friends and that
I treated your kindness and pity
As something that connected us through

Thursday, March 8, 2012


The place where I used to play
Has now moved on and turned
Into an unfamiliar setting,
almost as if my memories were
A dream.

Memories past has tangled me
Into a bind that I cannot escape.
The more I struggle to free myself,
the harder it gets to be released.

Maybe it is better like this.
I can "live" in a realm of my own
With no restrictions on what I remember.
But.... Wouldn't I just be living a pathetic lie?
If I were to only remember the good,
And forget about the bad, then would I fully mature
Into a person who has lived their life?

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Not Meant to Be?

{For any of you who have read 7 Seeds, can you find the quote? <3}

Maybe we weren't meant to be
And maybe our love was just an accident.
But there is one thing you must know:
I love you.
You might just overlook this,
Or you might not. But...
The fact remains.
I'm in love.

If I could pull you back to
The time when our feelings for each other were
Then I would.
But unfortunately, my powers are limited
And you seemed to have moved on.
What can I do to
Make you come back to me?
Should I change my personality,
Or should I change everything about myself?
Would that make me suitable
For someone like you?
No matter which girl you pick however,
And no matter how many times you hurt me,
Just remember.
I love you.