Untitled 3.

{Today marks the day I cried with my friend.}

A familiar face, nothing more.
But when I close my eyes
I can still remember the memories we shared.

Those times when we laughed,
Not caring who heard.
And those moments we smiled,
Not saying a word.

We joked, laughed, talked.
All on the same subjects.
Our conversations were different,
Ranging from serious to hilarious topics.
We were happy.

Now, we pass by each other each day
Without any form of acknowledgement.
We've become strangers so fast,
It's a bit frightening don't you think?
It's as if the only way to tell
That we were once friends is from our memories.
Tell me, do you even remember them?

We once had a past together.
I'm not sure who broke it apart - was it me?
I just hope you didn't completely forget.
Even though I remember everything,
I'll act like I know nothing the next time I see you.

Remember.

I'm worried that my future self will forget my current morals.
Sorry, but the lifestyle you may live at that point in time isn't "mine".
Please, for the sake of us, remember our current goals and dreams.
Forgive and forget are key to friends - are you making them now?
Me... I'm still the same I just hope we changed for the better.
For our family to still respect us, make good companions.
Being level-headed will help you, us really, in the long run.
Weak-minded... If you still are that is... Won't help - good luck Sandy.

Please.

{Because I get this feel all the time and I can't.}

That smile, it kills me inside.

Don't direct it to another girl,

Only show that face when you're with me.

Almost like a child who receives a toy,

That look provides me sustenance, the energy to live.

It's become something I can't live without.

It's become something I want to keep with me.

But what if you start to show that smile,

A private expression between the two of us,

To another person?

She's prettier than me, smarter too.

She's everything I'm not – athletic, graceful, funny, you name it.

I wouldn't be surprised if you fell for her;

She has everything... You would look for in a girl.

It's like she's the majestic and beautiful swan

And I'm the ugly duckling in the stories and fantasies given to children.

Except this time, the ugly duckling doesn't have a happy ending.

Please, just don't be closer to her than you are to me.

Don't show her your secret facial expressions

Or the voices you make when it's just the two of us.

Don't include her in our inside jokes,

Or tell them to her first and exclude me.

Please... Don't replace me.

Brightness.

{I hate starting things with pronouns---}

You're so brights, so smart, so liked.
Whereas I'm the complete opposite.
How did we ever become friends?

I want to be like you, capable of
Laughing among friends and even able to make them.
I want to stand on the same platform as you,
No one being placed on a a higher pedestal; just.. an equal footing.
Yet I know I'll never be able to reach you.
You're simply too bright, and I'm just too dull.
Our two paths might never cross again in the future.
This incident where we... Became friends was a once in a lifetime occurrence,
I'm sure of it.

Maybe in the future we'll meet again
And stand on the same patch of grass.
Maybe then we'll finally have our paths cross yet again, and this time, not because of a fluke.
Maybe then... We can look each other in the eye in public.

Death's Doors.

{I'm sorry this was saved on my phone for so long and I never had the chance to update this blog---}

    I wonder how people knocking on death's doors think and feel before dying. Do they realize jut what is happening to them the moments before death? Or are they shown a pleasant dream, one where they are reliving their happiest memory or living the future they could never see... Could never have? Could it be that up to their very last breath, they are fighting to stay alive, stealing gasps of air whenever they could? Despite all the pain that life had brought them, those people put in all the effort they could before breathing became too much. I wonder... To they know how their family, their kin, must have felt? Could they have at least sensed what was happening around the room, every corner emitting tears and a want for solace? Or were they only vaguely aware of that matter, much more interested in the utopia that was offered to them seconds before? And in that final moment before they crossed over to the land of the dead, are they pulled back into reality and shown their family crowding around them, each of them crying and begging them not to go? Maybe it's at that moment that the person suddenly reaches an epiphany, that death isn't something that you should want. Surrounded by the tears, the sobs, and the emotional atmosphere, the person doesn't want their story to continue on at that path but... It's too late. The heart gives away, and the blood flow and senses come to a slow stop. With that last image burned in their mind, did the person die with regret?

Tomorrow.

I'm tired of waiting for that
One special day where
I can finally see and speak to you,
That one day later in life where
You're right here, right beside me again.
Yet... Later never comes.


I long for the moment to go back to where
My eyes were transfixed on your back,
Your body blocking out the harsh and cruel
Things the world had to offer to me.
The protection, the shield that I need so desperately right now,
Where is it?


I yearn for the day when my world becomes balanced again.
When you're right by my side, within arm's reach.
I crave for those memories to become reality once more,
And for these tears to be replaced with smiles.
I wish for the day when I can joyfully call you my father again
Without the limitations of death to stop me.
If only I didn't want these things to happen so much.
Maybe then the "later" would come sooner.

Greetings.

A simple hello.

A wave here, a wave there.

These things don't make us friends.

If “friends” are made through greetings

That any person could do to anyone

They had met earlier in the years,

Doesn't that make everyone friends?

What would you call those friends

That are /truly/ your friends then?

Although I want to believe that

We are more than just acquaintances,

The fact that our interactions are

Nothing but greetings makes me

A bit nervous.

Maybe one of these days one of us

Will strike up a conversation in which
We can both chat and talk about our lives.