Us

And I'd be lying
If I said the thought of us
Never crossed my mind.

For you are now but
A bittersweet memory
Who, only through my memories,
Can I reach.

Selfish Desires

Please, just put up with my selfish requests a little longer.
Soon, you can forget me.
Soon, my existence won't matter.
So at least for now, put me at the top.

Just a little longer and we'll part ways forever.
Although you mean the world to me,
It's positive that I'm just... There in your mind.
Tell me, did I ever make a dent in you
Like you did to me?

Now, we won't see each other each day anymore.
Every day conversations won't be "every day."
We'll never ask each other for help anymore.
You'll forget about me.
And I'll hopefully forget about you, too.
Although I say that, it isn't actually true.

I'll never forget about you.
You've left too much of an impression on me,
And it's a shame you'll never know that.
I liked you far too much.
And you never felt the same.
I was a nuisance to you, wasn't I?
I'm so sorry.

Just a little more...
And it will be our goodbye.
I won't miss you.
I will forget you.
We'll talk someday.
Although those will be the complete truth for you,
I'm the exact opposite.

My final selfish desire
Is for you to be free.
Be happy.
Thank you for putting up with me.

Gone

I once knew a girl.
She was perfect - her kindness could light up the night sky.
But she went away one day, to a land far, far away.
Now a monster is in her place.
I don't know where she's at now,
But if she's somewhere to be found,
Please come out.

Mourning Day

{I was visiting my Grandfather's tombstone last weekend and I saw my Grandmother crouching before it, telling him of what has happened thus far, that his children were there to see him, and that his grandchildren were there to greet him.

It was a sad sight. ;-;;.

To my right, there was a woman who kept crying in front of someone's grave, and to my left there was a guy playing music in front of someone's grave. While the girl kept crying, the guy just sat there, enjoying the time he "spent" with the person that had died.

I just. It was so sad. OTL}

The times that have passed
And the memories we shared,
I'll treasure them.

The tears that are wept
Will be a precious reminder of the love I've felt.
May you always be able to tell.

Until next time, I'll keep our memories
Stored away, and from time to time,
I'll relive each tiny bit.
Yes, both the good and the bad
Will be played over and over again in my head.

For death is just another obstacle in life
And although it may derail us,
We will meet again.

Last Goodbye

When we parted ways,
You showed me a lively smile
That told me it was okay to leave you.
But was it really?
You worked hard for the both of us,
Pushing your body and mind past its limits.
So why was saying goodbye so easy?
As I watched you turn away from me,
Your back seemed smaller that it was before.

Raindrops

{Hi guys Finals are coming closer I'm scared I've never taken them before WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO STUDY FOR OH MY GOD.}

Further, further away
The clouds will soar
And the birds will fly.
The sun will rise
On each and every day
And the stars will shine
On each passing night.
But the rain will always fall
Back down to earth.
Slowly, they drop back onto
The land they tried to escape
Once long before.
Perhaps they just didn't want
To be left behind in such a cruel world
Without their friends - the stars, the sun, the clouds - around.
But with each fall they realize
There is no place for them
In the happy sky above.

Words Never Whispered.

{My father died about a year ago. I thought that given the time, I had gotten over it, but I guess not? I'm not quite sure what happened... I just started crying at around 3:30am because of those memories. But I do know one thing: I regret not spending enough time with him. Part of it was because he worked constantly, and another part was because I was still a child; in my childish mind I thought he would never leave, even though I feared death because it had the power to take away my loved ones ever since I was five.}

I built myself to be so strong,
So indestructible under any circumstance.
Yet... Only one memory of you is
Enough to tear me apart.

We weren't close; in fact,
We were rather distanced.
Our conversations were neither
Deep nor meaningful - they were just...
Conversing placed between us.
Back then they were nothing, a daily occurence.
Yet now I hold them valuable,
Praying to never forget them.
If only I treasured them more back then.

The memories I have of you,
So strong yet weak to a certain extent,
Wise beyond your years, yet holding a child-like ease,
Are fleeting away from me.
No longer can I immediately think of your voice, your laugh...
I can only imitate it with uncertainty.

The photos of us together, less than a handful,
Are lost. Why did I not think of taking any?
Why was I so oblivious to this, only recognizing the want to now?

Why weren't we closer?
Was it because you were a workaholic, hoping to gain a better
Life for your children that you pushed us all away?
Or was it because I was a child you regret?
We had our moments, but I just wish there was more.

"I miss you, I love you.
Have a good day.
Good morning, good night."
Simple phrases that I miss saying... To you.
What onced seemed like a ritual is now
A want, a desire to be done.
I wish you could hear me, see me.
Then I could tell you all the things I had wanted to say,
All the things I keep bottled up, trapped, inside, me.
But now that can never be.
Now I can never say these words to you,
No matter how hard I try.

Happy Endings.

{I'm too negative for my own good.}

He likes her, you like him.
Just the way the story goes.
No happy endings or a sudden
Twist of fate caused by a meeting.
And that's the way it has always been.
A story that involves a broken heart.

If only this story could be tweaked
And edited to fit the desired outcome.
Maybe then a happy ending will form.
In an unjust world, stories like this
Appear all the time; whether we like it or not.
You like him, yet he likes her.
Just what is this unhappy ending?

If you...

{I... I think I did good on the audition. @w@. That, or the teacher loves to give mixed signals. xD}

No matter what, I'll always be

Your follower, helping you in

The best way I can for you to

Find your success.

If you become a hideous creature,

I'll follow you, looking for a cure.

If you become a star, I'll

Look for different ways to catch up

To your ever glowing hue.

If you decide to leave me in order

To follow your dreams and to

Seek your fortune, so be it.

I won't stop you from leaving me... Us.

But just know that I'll always

Follow you, even to the depths of Hell and back.

Maybe we grew apart during our

Time together; we found out how the other

Truly acts and how the other truly feels.

Or maybe we just didn't connect as we thought we did.

What ever the reasoning, it won't ever change

The feelings that I feel, and have always felt, for you.

If you become a an elderly man,

I'll become your elderly woman.

If you get married to the woman you love and... She isn't me,

Then that's fine. I'll be your first supporter.

Just... Remember to smile.

A Normal Day.

It was just a normal day.
The sky was blue and there wasn't a single cloud.
The sun shined down on the crowd, missing not a single head.
The day was abnormally normal, until I met you.
You walked towards me with mystery filled eyes,
Clad in a plaid shirt and jeans that hugged your legs.
I eyed every inch of you, starting from your head to your toes.
You walked closer, and our eyes met.
It felt like the universe was frozen, in a trance.
But suddenly our eyes broke contact, maybe because of you, or maybe because of me.
That brief, perfect moment was gone, never to come back again.
You walked past me, your cologne filling my every sense, leaving me to want more.
Our fates had crossed, and our moment of togetherness became
Sweet nothings.

The day was perfectly normal,
The sky was blue and the sun shone.
However, that little part, the moment
Our eyes had met, the day became
Incredible.

Behind the Smile.

{I just got back from my school field trip! It was such an amazing experience to be able to go camping, something I'd never done before. : ). I never did realize how dependent I was of things such as showers though... OTL.}

Behind this smile I'm
Breaking down and sobbing.
No matter how much I
Show a happy expression,
I can't change my feelings inside.

Why must this happen to
Only me when everyone else gets away?
Is it because life hates me,
Or is this how I have to atone for my sins?

Should I keep faking my personality
So that society can accept me?
Or should I be myself, even more
Isolated from everyone else?

When can I truly smile a
Happy smile, and feel
Like myself?

The End.

{Bored strikes again~. If this character were real, I feel as if I wouldn't necessarily like her. xD}

And there you were, walking away.
Instead of catching up, instead of
Taking your hand and rushing to your side,
I watched you walk away from me, from us.
And at that moment, I realized that
I truly loved you, and that you walking away marked
The end.

Shaken

{Honestly, the title was an autocorrect I got when I typed this out; I just typed random letters. xDD. This morning (or Saturday?) I had a dream that involved my father. In that dream, I seemed to be around 9 years old, and my father was there talking to me. Although everything was in mute, it still seemed like a nice talk with him. During the time I had with him in the dream, he had to pull my hair away to my right shoulder, decided to braid it, then left soon after. After such a long time without seeing him moving, I guess it could be counted as a good dream.}

A time when I was years younger,
Where you were healthier, stronger than before.
You and I talked about nothing.
It was a pleasant conversation,
One with smiles and laughs.
Suddenly, you took my hair, bringing it to the side,
Finally saying, "Why not?" in your usual tone.
Braiding my hair, you finished,
Leaving a messy side braid as a result.
Giving me one last smile, saying
One last thing, you got up from your crouch
And walked straight behind me, leaving me behind.
Even though I wanted to follow you,
Even though I tried my best to stand up,
I couldn't move. I was frozen in place.
Instead of following you and telling
You to take me with you, I sat there,
Crying for you to come back and pick me up.
Opening my eyes, I awoke from that dream,
Only to find my eyes wet with tears.
I smiled.

You Left.

{I... Was feeling a bit emotional today.}

I searched for you in the empty house today.

But... No matter how hard I looked for you,

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't find you.

Why did you leave without a word?

Why did you decide to leave at my weakest time?

Was it because you wanted to?

Or was it because you wanted us to change?

I admit that our family wasn't sane, nor was it normal.

And maybe there were unnecessary fights amongst each other,

Amongst ourselves, really.

But... Did you have to leave us?

Is this what they call divine retribution?

We may not have been incredibly close,

But I had truly believed that you would stay.

I had felt that although I couldn't get along

With other people my age, I could at least

Depend on you on the times when I was

Tired of it all, and wanted to cry to my heart's desire.

But... Now that I have that feeling weighing on my chest,

Where are you? Why are you nowhere to be found

At this lonely place we call home?

If you could, would you come back to me,

Come back to us? Or do you prefer

The life you have now, with no restrictions and responsibilities?

Is there ever a moment in your mind where

You think about us, and wonder if we missed you?

Honestly, if I could forcibly bring you back, I would.

But... That is not within my powers.

Do you miss us, even if it's just a sliver?

Because we miss you.

We miss you more than anything else.

And...

We love you, with all of our hearts.

Dreams

Warm, big hands to hold us close.

Broad shoulders to keep away enemies.

A comforting voice to take away the fears.

If only for one night, for one day

This would all come back to me.

However, reality isn't that kind, nor do you

Always get what you want.

I can only wish for this to happen in

My dreams.

To dwell in the past is never a good sign,

But at times it always leads us to happier moments.

If I could just turn back the clock just to

Relive that one special moment, that one

Crucial piece of my life, my life would be set.

But... What has happened has happened, and the

Past is but a memory of our lives.

If this feeling is coming from just one year
Without seeing, talking, or hearing him,

Then how will future years play out?

It might be too late, or it might not.

However, there is just one thing that

I would like to tell you before we part.

Until we meet again, I will keep our

Memories strong in my dreams.

I may gain more regrets and I may

Make more mistakes, but I just hope

That I will be able to make you proud.

No matter how far apart we are,

I miss you.