When we were Children

We were children
Living in a world of what we
Envisioned 'adult society'
to be.
Behaving in an
utmost manner,
Speaking ever so formally,
and spending time on
matters that made no sense to us,
We forgot to be
Kids.

Yes, we carried the
dignity of an adult,
Yet had the body
of a child.
For what reason?
To grow up faster?
Can we honestly say
that after being pushed
into such a cruel world,
We found a reason to stay?
However, could we had said
that we wanted to leave?
When we were children,
it just never seemed possible
with the weight of the
Earth on our shoulders.

And now as we
rekindle our friendship,
It seems as if
Everything has changed.
We now match
the suit we bare,
and the weight of
The hearth is no longer
crashing down on us.
We've matured tenfold.

Yes, we were surely
Fools to think that
we lived in a world of
Black and white.
Now, we'll laugh at
how mindless our worries were,
and how we'll miss those
Bygone days.

We spent hours just
Reminiscing of those days
When we were only children.

Rain Drops

The sky cried for you.
She shed her tears and offered her
condolences.
She sent a fall of cold droplets onto me
As if to trap me in her embrace.
And I thought, only for a second, I saw you.
Yes, in the center of the downpour,
You stood, resilient to the rain.
And along with the rain,
You disappeared once more.

The sky stopped crying,
And in place of her tears,
She left a vivid rainbow
With a smile
As bright as yours.

Us

And I'd be lying
If I said the thought of us
Never crossed my mind.

For you are now but
A bittersweet memory
Who, only through my memories,
Can I reach.

What Could Have Been

{3 years wasted, 3 years gone.}

What could have been
We'll never know
In this world we call our own.
Just for now
Please wait
As the seasons turn to grey.
Once the leaves
Are fully changed
Our mistakes will be erased.
For the past
Is the past
And time will change everything
Back to normal.

Just for now
Don't forget
The feelings we have faced
In this world
We call our own
What could have been
We'll never know.

Maddening

{I was skyping with a friend last night, and we ended up telling each other about our love lives. LOL.}

Our breathes joined together
Forming that one perfect moment
When our souls combined.
We spoke our feelings
Going hours on end
About our love
For another.
It was maddening to know
That the ones we loved
Would never look our way.

Selfish Desires

Please, just put up with my selfish requests a little longer.
Soon, you can forget me.
Soon, my existence won't matter.
So at least for now, put me at the top.

Just a little longer and we'll part ways forever.
Although you mean the world to me,
It's positive that I'm just... There in your mind.
Tell me, did I ever make a dent in you
Like you did to me?

Now, we won't see each other each day anymore.
Every day conversations won't be "every day."
We'll never ask each other for help anymore.
You'll forget about me.
And I'll hopefully forget about you, too.
Although I say that, it isn't actually true.

I'll never forget about you.
You've left too much of an impression on me,
And it's a shame you'll never know that.
I liked you far too much.
And you never felt the same.
I was a nuisance to you, wasn't I?
I'm so sorry.

Just a little more...
And it will be our goodbye.
I won't miss you.
I will forget you.
We'll talk someday.
Although those will be the complete truth for you,
I'm the exact opposite.

My final selfish desire
Is for you to be free.
Be happy.
Thank you for putting up with me.

Mourning Day

{I was visiting my Grandfather's tombstone last weekend and I saw my Grandmother crouching before it, telling him of what has happened thus far, that his children were there to see him, and that his grandchildren were there to greet him.

It was a sad sight. ;-;;.

To my right, there was a woman who kept crying in front of someone's grave, and to my left there was a guy playing music in front of someone's grave. While the girl kept crying, the guy just sat there, enjoying the time he "spent" with the person that had died.

I just. It was so sad. OTL}

The times that have passed
And the memories we shared,
I'll treasure them.

The tears that are wept
Will be a precious reminder of the love I've felt.
May you always be able to tell.

Until next time, I'll keep our memories
Stored away, and from time to time,
I'll relive each tiny bit.
Yes, both the good and the bad
Will be played over and over again in my head.

For death is just another obstacle in life
And although it may derail us,
We will meet again.

Fifteen.

{Guys it's exactly 1:10am and I'm still not done with homework. : ). Brb shooting self----. Anyways... I'm so tired. ;-;. I just want to sleepppp. And I really don't want to go to school this week. Or next week. Or any week. ; 3;. Here, have a story I wrote for another website.  /sobs. OH. Someone please tell me: Why is writing about "love" so... Easy? Lolol, I've been trying to refrain from using that as a topic but I find it as one of the easiest go-to subjects to write about... OH WELL BACK TO DOING A STUDY GUIDE ON OSMOSIS AND DIFFUSION YEAH!}

   "Mom, did you ever... Like anyone when you were fifteen?"

   "Who hasn't? Come to think of it... You're turning fifteen tomorrow, aren't you? You'll be at the age when my first love ended!" Chuckling, she added, "Honestly, I wouldn't be the same if that didn't happen to me then."

   The woman reminisced about her teenage years, remembering the sights, sounds, and smells she encountered during her years as a student. Looking at her bright-eyed daughter who was still so pure and innocent, seeming as if she had never gotten hurt before, the woman suddenly saw herself in her child. Not only were the facial features similar, but the air the child gave off, it was very much like the feeling the woman gave off years before - a gentle, kind presence that didn't know the meaning of heartbreak. 

   "Would you like to hear how my first love ended?" The woman asked.

   The child smiled, full of curiosity and wonder as to what her mother was like and who she loved when she was a teenager. Slowly the woman smiled, the answer evident on the child's face. It was clear to her that her daughter wanted to know of the past, and more about her mother.

   "Alright! This might be a long one though, so try to stay awake! It all started when I was fourteen..." The woman's voice grew warmer, and she closed her eyes to relive her memories.

   "My first love wasn't like any other boy. He was clumsy, a coward, and didn't have any aspects that made him stand out from the crowd. Maybe that's why I liked him. Seeing boys that were perfect all day from the television and magazines, I guess I felt that 'perfect' boys were just... Too ordinary? They lost their appeal once I noticed that most of them had rotten personalities. This man however... He was different. He was genuinely nice to everyone he met, even the ones who picked on him. Those types of boys are rare, I tell you! Compared to your father, this man was a lot nicer. I met him through my school's Writing Club. In each club, there will always be at least one person who sits alone in the corner and doesn't interact with people and... He was that one person. I remember when I first met him, he had his head buried in his journal, jotting down whatever he could think of. His dark brown, shaggy hair covered his eyes - I later found out he had the most beautiful, green eyes I had ever seen - and I didn't like him at all. He was a freak; he had friends but they were all very... Odd. Needless to say, I avoided him at the beginning of Writing Club. The only reason I started talking to him was because I had the chance to read what he wrote. His writing style was uncanny. It was sad, yet happy. Warm, but cold. It showed how he depicted things through his eyes. It told us of just how much he enjoyed life; although the things in between hurt him, he would always write about how he loved that part of life too. He saw the world from a different perspective; he was neither an optimist nor a pessimist. The moment I read his stories, I was captured. Soon after, I started to talk to him more, and I finally got to know the boy with the green eyes. Turns out, he wasn't as weird as I had perceived. He was just quiet and shy. In my mind, he was that antisocial kid who thought high school was a bore and just wanted out of it. But in the end, he wasn't like that in the slightest - he loved school and the thought of making friends. We started talking more during the club and school day. It even got to the point where the two of us would walk home together! I fell in love with his personality and I wanted so desperately to tell him... But I couldn't. I was so afraid that he wouldn't like me back or that our relationship would be broken. Instead of confronting my fears like I should had done, I ended up succumbing to them and keeping my relationship with him the same. Summer vacation was right around the corner and at that point, we were inseparable. I remember on the day of my fifteenth birthday, the two of us had planned to meet up the weekend school ended on Saturday at three in the afternoon. I was elated. This would have been our first 'date' together! The few days before our meeting I coordinated my outfit multiple times; I just couldn't find the right outfit to wear. Finally, I decided on a simple white dress that reminded me of him - he was pure, just like the colour white. I arrived at the meeting spot half an hour early, hoping to impress him when he showed up. As the time drew closer to three, my heart began to pound, the pounds gaining speed as the minute hand ticked toward the twelve. It was finally three!

   3:10pm. 

   3:20pm. 

   3:30pm. 

   3:40pm. 

   3:50pm. 

   4:00pm.

   I waited for an hour, holding on to the last bit of hope I could, just wondering when he would arrive. Still, I kept waiting for him, eventually waiting for two hours for him to come. 

   He never did.

   I was hurt. It couldn't have been possible for him to forget our plan so easily, was it? It wasn't that long since school was over; school only ended just three days prior. That day, I experienced firsthand how it felt to be stood up. Dejected, I walked home, my head down low. As soon as I stepped into my house and walked into my room, I cried. It was a petty reason to cry, but it was still a reason. The rest of the summer flew by without me talking to him again.

   Once school started, I still couldn't get over him. I looked for him around campus and in Writing Club, but he was nowhere to be found. None of his friends could tell me where he was either. He just... Disappeared. It was as if he was carried away by the wind. Knowing me, I don't take no for an answer. I never did, and I never will. That day, I walked to his house, hoping to see where he was. Once I got there I was greeted by his mother who... Aged a lot. Just a few months earlier she was very animated despite her age and now... Her head was covered in grey hairs and he body seemed too frail. She was like a twig; I was afraid that if I put any pressure on her she would snap in half. Thankfully she remembered me - it would have been awkward if she forgot! She invited me in and made me my favourite tea, Early Grey. We chatted, and for a second, her expression brightened. A smile crept onto her face and I finally saw the woman she once was before summer vacation came. After a while, I decided to ask her about him and where he was and... That's when things took a turn for the worse. Her expression dropped and it seemed like she was near tears. And that was when I found out why he couldn't meet me that Saturday afternoon. He was crossing the street when a driver crossed a red light and hit him. He died that day."

   Tears began to fall from the woman's eyes. She bit her lip, hoping to suppress them. However, the more she tried, the easier it was for them to fall. At that point, she couldn't stop. The tears kept falling, almost as if to make up for the time she lost not crying. Recollecting her thoughts, the woman continued on with her story, the tears still rolling down her cheeks.

   "I was shocked... Honestly. His mother didn't blame me at all despite the fact that he was going to meet me. Although she accepted his death she still couldn't handle the fact that she outlived her own child. If you died before me, I wouldn't know what to do. The shock was too much for me. At the time, I couldn't cry because the thought that he was dead was far too great for my mind to comprehend. I suddenly felt the urge to leave the house, but before I could reach the door, his mother stopped me. She told me to wait a few minutes while she went to get something. When she came back, she handed me a box. She told me that her son wanted to give me that on the day he died and that I should take it. I accepted the gift from her hands and said my goodbyes, as well as my apology for bringing up a painful memory, and with that, I ran toward my house. I rushed into my room, still dazed about what happened to him, and completely forgot about the box. When I finally realized that it was in my hand, I plucked all of my courage and opened it carefully, making sure not to destroy it. Inside the box was a necklace. It had my favourite flower, the rose, in my favourite colour, mint. I caressed it in my hand, and suddenly, the fact that he was dead hit me. I could never see him again. I could never talk to him again. Joke with him. Laugh with him. I couldn't do any of the things that were so normal between us again. He was gone."

   The woman stopped and wiped the excess water away from her eyes; she had stopped crying, but the tears weren't dry yet. Sucking in a deep breath, the woman finished off her story.

   "And that was how my first love ended. What do you think?" She looked at her daughter, who's eyes were rimmed with tears.

   "Is that really how it ends? There wasn't a happy ending to it?" The daughter replied, sniffling.

   "Unfortunately, yes. You see... Sometimes there are no happy endings. Unlike the characters in the stories society gives you, life doesn't offer happy endings. Sometimes, life won't work out like how we want it to, and sometimes, it will. Although my first love didn't have an amazing ending, I have one now. I have you, and I have your father. You two make up my 'happy ending'. Like I said before, if I hadn't met my first love or experienced the things I did back then, I would have never been able to become the person I am today. This may be hard to understand at your age, but I promise, in the future, you'll understand everything."

   The woman smiled at her daughter and arose from her seat. Walking towards the kitchen, she played with her rose-shaped pendant necklace, rolling it around in her fingers.

   "Honey, I'm making tea now. Would you like any? I'm sure that after that story you'd like to have something refreshing."

   "What kind?" Asked the daughter, peaking her head out of the top of the couch. 

   The woman let out a soft chuckle and replied, "Early Grey Tea."

Tomorrow.

I'm tired of waiting for that
One special day where
I can finally see and speak to you,
That one day later in life where
You're right here, right beside me again.
Yet... Later never comes.


I long for the moment to go back to where
My eyes were transfixed on your back,
Your body blocking out the harsh and cruel
Things the world had to offer to me.
The protection, the shield that I need so desperately right now,
Where is it?


I yearn for the day when my world becomes balanced again.
When you're right by my side, within arm's reach.
I crave for those memories to become reality once more,
And for these tears to be replaced with smiles.
I wish for the day when I can joyfully call you my father again
Without the limitations of death to stop me.
If only I didn't want these things to happen so much.
Maybe then the "later" would come sooner.

Sleeping Position (Memory).

{I'm sorry for all of the father posts. OTL. This should pass relatively soon though; I'm feeling a bit emotional this month because of how his birthday was just five days ago. My father always had a habit of crossing his arms over his chest when he slept at night.}

    "Daddy, why do you sleep with your arms folded on your chest?"
    "It's so that if I die in my sleep I'll be prepared and presentable..."

Flight.

{Just got back from my trip~ So tired. @_@. I might have ad-libbed just a little on the red eye flight - we never went on one before. xD}

There was once a time
Long ago where we were happy,
And when nothing else mattered.

We looked at the stars on
Our red eye flight,
Our voices semi drowned
By the purr of the airplane.
The stars glistened and gleamed,
Far brighter than any we had ever seen.
No one complained,
No one interrupted.
As our fingers touched the window,
We pointed out the stars and the moon,
One thing was certain:
We were happy.

It's amazing how time
Can change so much
In as little as six years.

If you...

{I... I think I did good on the audition. @w@. That, or the teacher loves to give mixed signals. xD}

No matter what, I'll always be

Your follower, helping you in

The best way I can for you to

Find your success.

If you become a hideous creature,

I'll follow you, looking for a cure.

If you become a star, I'll

Look for different ways to catch up

To your ever glowing hue.

If you decide to leave me in order

To follow your dreams and to

Seek your fortune, so be it.

I won't stop you from leaving me... Us.

But just know that I'll always

Follow you, even to the depths of Hell and back.

Maybe we grew apart during our

Time together; we found out how the other

Truly acts and how the other truly feels.

Or maybe we just didn't connect as we thought we did.

What ever the reasoning, it won't ever change

The feelings that I feel, and have always felt, for you.

If you become a an elderly man,

I'll become your elderly woman.

If you get married to the woman you love and... She isn't me,

Then that's fine. I'll be your first supporter.

Just... Remember to smile.

Atmosphere.

Do I belong here?
In an environment filled with
People I'm acquainted with,
Why do I feel so out of place?

Maybe they have more bonds
With each other than I will ever have,
Or maybe it's that through this
Short period of time they've been
Together, they are closer than
I am to any of them.

Should I try to be closer to them
With this meek and shy demeanor?
Or should I just stay here,
Alone in my own atmosphere?

Family Time.

{For around a year, maybe more, I've been following this amazing artist on Deviantart - Yuumei. She's a university graduate who draws an amazing web series, Knite. In a few days, it's her birthday/college graduation.  But that isn't the point. xD. In here, she tells us of how her father can't come over from China in order to attend her graduation/birthday. For three years, she has waited for him... And he still can't come over. After reading this, I started to wonder just how much of my family time I take for granted.}

A distant home.
Although "family" is in the room,
They seem to be nothing but strangers.
Our conversations are short and our
Time together is limited.
Is this the family time we all should have?

Although we have occasional greetings
Among ourselves, a hi there, a hi here,
We show no further bonding.
Is what we are doing right?

Caught up in the new age technology
And with the friends that I have made,
I've forgotten what it's like to bond
With my family members, the ones
Who will be gone in future years...
The ones that I will miss most.

Instead of falling deeper into this
Addiction with technology, lets
Put an end to it now so that
We can enjoy the time that we're
Given to spend with our relatives,
And to not waste that precious time.

To be given these moments and take
Them for granted when others
Aren't able to even acknowledge it
Seems like a terrible crime.

A Normal Day.

It was just a normal day.
The sky was blue and there wasn't a single cloud.
The sun shined down on the crowd, missing not a single head.
The day was abnormally normal, until I met you.
You walked towards me with mystery filled eyes,
Clad in a plaid shirt and jeans that hugged your legs.
I eyed every inch of you, starting from your head to your toes.
You walked closer, and our eyes met.
It felt like the universe was frozen, in a trance.
But suddenly our eyes broke contact, maybe because of you, or maybe because of me.
That brief, perfect moment was gone, never to come back again.
You walked past me, your cologne filling my every sense, leaving me to want more.
Our fates had crossed, and our moment of togetherness became
Sweet nothings.

The day was perfectly normal,
The sky was blue and the sun shone.
However, that little part, the moment
Our eyes had met, the day became
Incredible.

Missing Link.

{OTL. I'm going to fail my science test. And my Algebra 1 final. What is this I don't even--. Must. Pass. And. Become. Valedictorian. In. High. School. ;A;}

What is it that we are missing?
The absence is subtle in our lives,
But the feeling of it gone is big.

An empty spot in our hearts
That can't seem to be filled
Due to the missing emotion.
Is this normal, or is it something
Rare, a feeling that only comes
To certain people?

No matter how much I search for it,
Look for it, try to find the missing link,
I always end up at my starting point.
Could it be that there is nothing missing,
Or could it be that I'm not mature
Enough yet to find the answer?

Whether we notice or not,
That missing link, that one feeling
That we can't fill, is always there.
Can this mystery be solved in the future?

That Road.

A familiar, unused road
That others fear to travel.
Although it leads them to happiness,
The road to originality is unheard of.

Is it simply because we are afraid of
What other people think of us that
We avoid this road?
Or is it because of something else
That is unheard of?

Instead of being dependent on
The things that others do,
Why don't we separate from that
Group of individuals that are
Doing their own thing, living their
Own life, having their own personality?

Are we really so afraid of wandering
Off on our own that we have to hold
On to these training wheels?

No matter how cliche it sounds,
Just live your life the way you want to.

Resentment.

{Growing up, I was constantly told by my family members to be quiet and to not to talk/give an opinion. Although I don't care much for it now, it still has affected my social skills and how I talk to others. Whenever I look at my sister who is the opposite of me in personality, someone who can talk and can easily make friends, I can't help but think, "Why can't I be like that... Why did this only happen to me?"}

I'm speaking loud and clear.
Yet why is no one listening?
Am I too quiet? Or am I a
Person who speaks in the back?

Why was I raised this way?
Why could no one hear my
Cry for help back then,
Yet expect me to accept their
help now?

I want to be a better speaker.
I want to be able to make friends easily.
I want... to be heard.

Did I do something wrong?
Why shun only me?
Why treat only me differently?
Although they raised me,
I can't help but resent them for
Doing this to me.

Home.

{I've lived in the same place for 14 years - ever since I was born basically. This area is like any other place, except it holds the memories that I had gained years before, when I went shopping with my parents, when I first started school, when I made my first actual best friend, all of those. Although there are times when I just hate this place and want to leave, the truth is, I love it here. It's given me a wonderful childhood when others weren't there.}

A quiet town filled with
Familiar people all around.
Nothing worthwhile ever happens here.
Yet something always occurs
In each individual's life that will
Be a precious memory to the memory makers.

The place where I grew up,
The places where I played,
The areas I always entered,
All hold significance in my life.
They provide a sanctuary, a place
To return when I lose myself.
Without those, I wouldn't be myself.

Harboring the same smells,
The same types of people,
The same memories, this town
Holds an incredible thing,
Even if others don't see it.

Although I complain about
Trivial things here, such as
The weather and the sunlight,
Who knew that this would be
The place I missed most?

Bus Station.

{So during my field trip, I saw one of my classmate's being alienated by her friends when we entered the tour bus. Being the type who's also usually ignored, I had to write this.}

A crowded area filled
With strangers all around.
If you're lucky you get
A friend to travel with.
But what if you're unlucky?

Supposed to be a fun, exciting feature,
Yet it has turned into a horrible
Experience, where your "friends"
Isolate you from it all.
Oh how I wish for this to end.

Just get me away from them.