I Really Liked You

And so the fairy-tale romance
that we had has
come to an
End.

Fleeting, short-lived
Filled with:
Doubts
Worries
Mistakes.

You once said that
your love for me was
Infinite.
Tell me,
Does it still hold
True?

We may be apart,
and the love has
Forsaken us,
but to me,
that will always be

True.

Confessions of a Soldier

{I'M SORRY IF THIS ISN'T HOW A SOLDIER FEELS TO BE QUITE HONEST I DON'T KNOW /HOW/ THEY WOULD FEEL, PART OF WHAT HE FEELS IS WHAT I WOULD FEEL--- OTL. Anyways, this was stemmed from a close family friend going off to war again. Have you guys ever done that thing where you would write a letter to the person you hate/the thing that is bothering you, and then you destroy that very letter? ; w;. I did that once when I was younger. I have to say, it worked for me~}

Frank looked out the window of his apartment and he watched the sun creep its way into the sky. He stared on listlessly until the sun was right in front of him. Sighing, he stares back down at his table where a piece of lined paper lay. Resting his arm on the table, he picks up a pencil on the desk and begins to write.

I leave in a coupla hours. All of my stuff is packed, and I'm pretty much ready to go. I'm wasted from last night - maybe those vodkas weren't a good idea.Oh well, screw it, right? That was my last day. So what if I'm hung over! A couple of beers with my closest friends ain't gonna hurt anyone. 
Man, the place is gonna be sick. Women, beers, shooting - good combo? I've lived through my first deployment, I'm probably gonna live through this one, too. I've chosen the place I wanna go to in my free time - Thailand. It would be the perfect place to visit if I live.

Frank stopped writing and stared at the last sentence he had written. He chuckles, clearly forcing himself, and suddenly, his laughter stops. The smug grin he kept on his face drops, and suddenly, an expression of pure fear hit him. Shaking, he continues to write.

I've been told that these worries I have about being deployed back into war would go away if I were to write a letter to myself. A letter that no one else will see. A letter that I can write down all of my feelings about the war in. And here it is - that very letter. All I have left to say is this:

I don't want to die.

Signing his letter, Frank sealed it in an envelope addressed to himself with the date written in the top right corner. Grabbing a lighter off his nightstand, he takes that and the envelope to the balcony outside and engulfs the envelope in flames.

Maddening

{I was skyping with a friend last night, and we ended up telling each other about our love lives. LOL.}

Our breathes joined together
Forming that one perfect moment
When our souls combined.
We spoke our feelings
Going hours on end
About our love
For another.
It was maddening to know
That the ones we loved
Would never look our way.

Selfish Desires

Please, just put up with my selfish requests a little longer.
Soon, you can forget me.
Soon, my existence won't matter.
So at least for now, put me at the top.

Just a little longer and we'll part ways forever.
Although you mean the world to me,
It's positive that I'm just... There in your mind.
Tell me, did I ever make a dent in you
Like you did to me?

Now, we won't see each other each day anymore.
Every day conversations won't be "every day."
We'll never ask each other for help anymore.
You'll forget about me.
And I'll hopefully forget about you, too.
Although I say that, it isn't actually true.

I'll never forget about you.
You've left too much of an impression on me,
And it's a shame you'll never know that.
I liked you far too much.
And you never felt the same.
I was a nuisance to you, wasn't I?
I'm so sorry.

Just a little more...
And it will be our goodbye.
I won't miss you.
I will forget you.
We'll talk someday.
Although those will be the complete truth for you,
I'm the exact opposite.

My final selfish desire
Is for you to be free.
Be happy.
Thank you for putting up with me.

Poison

I know you mean well
But it hurts even more that way.
I'll listen to your words
And I'll try to believe
But in the end
Your words bring poison;
Although they hurt me immensely
I'm deathly attached to them.

Your actions and words
Will be the death of me
If you were to take them away.

The Sky and the Earth Below

{Uh hi. Sorry I. Finals. OTL. Yesterday, it rained where I lived~ That's actually very unusual because of WHERE I live; the weather here is usually 110F 95% - 99% of the time. So yeah. ;w;.}

On rare nights the sky
Cries out on to the earth
Leaving its tears behind.
It floods the ground below
With no care about
Who would get hurt in the process.
Perhaps it was heartbroken
Or perhaps it was a dreary day.
It's so strong, so caring,
Not daring to show
Its weakness to others.
On those rare days
It cries, letting its
Frustrations and fears out.
And so the tormented sky
Cries alone in the night.

Fear.

{Hi um high school stole me. Essays and tests consumed me. Friends kind of ditched me. Has never felt so out of place among people my age. I also caught a cold RIGHT when the second week of school started on Monday, so I think people think I'm permanently sick or something. Lawlawlawl. I keep having coughing fits in the middle of class and during lectures. And because of that, the boys who sit next to me in Health keep asking me if I'm alright. LOL. And I have what, three quizzes and one essay test tomorrow to finish. If I don't  finish the essay in time I get around 60-0%. HAHA NO PRESSURE RIGHT? No re-dos on the test either. Oh my-----}

If the use of fear was used against you,
How long could you last
Until you broke down
Because of that test of endurance?

Whether it be your biggest or
Your smallest fear could
You say with pride that you
Did not succumb to being
Crushed by your worst nightmares?

No matter how long you hold on,
There will always be something far worse
To scare you in the future.
The question is though:
Are you strong enough to
Pull through all of that?

Acquaintance.

We aren't friends.

We are just acquaintances with a background.

In the past, the times we

Spent together were times to be valued,

But now that we've both grown up, our

Friendship has deteriorated into nothingness.

It may have been memorable in the past,
But now with the passing times and

Changing seasons, our time became wasted.

Maybe it was my fault, or was it yours?

No... It was both our faults; we let this happen, 

Knowing the consequences.

We let go of the one strand of friendship we

Both had left for each other, letting it fall downwards,

Into the deep abyss.

Whenever I look back at our times together,

A pang will appear in my heart but I will be able to brush it away.

But the regret and memories will always surface

Whenever I see your face.

The face of a mere person I used to

Be close to.

Fear.

{Sometimes I wish I wasn't blood related to my sister. When I was younger, she would call me rude names, get mad at me for the dumbest things, ignore and yell at me for talking to her, scream her head off when I brushed my hand against her, and looked at me with eyes that shouted that I should have never been born. Now she expects me to have a positive outlook on the following weeks with her. How do I do that to someone who treated me as an animal? My self esteem is already in the negatives thanks to her and I can't smile a genuine smile. But when I try to blame all this on her, I can't. Maybe I should have never been born...}

To separate one's self from others

Is an act to be alone, to be apart from them.

But in reality, all they ever want is to be with someone.

In order to not get hurt, in order to

Not get attached to others, pushing them

Away is the best thing to do.

But in reality, I just...

I don't want to be alone.

Next to You.

{HOT GIRLS WE GOT PROBLEMS TOO, WE'RE JUST LIKE YOU EXCEPT WE'RE HOT. /Shot, killed, butchered, and thrown away.}

Your glance follows her, trailing her every move.

A smile that's never shown to others, is shown

When you talk to her.

Please don't say that you don't love her.

It's obvious by the way you act.

I should know; I've always looked your way.

It hurts to see this sad, sad truth be unveiled.

But... As long as you're happy, I'm happy... Right?

Although others can live with that, it will always

Be a lie in my mind.

Truth be told, I'd rather be the one beside you,

Walking side by side, harmonizing in footsteps.

But alas, it was never meant to be.

I may curse the two of you to oblivion, cry my

Eyes out to get over this, yet still manage to

Smile when you two are around... But in truth...

I just want to be next to you.

Is that so much to ask?

Happy Endings.

{I'm too negative for my own good.}

He likes her, you like him.
Just the way the story goes.
No happy endings or a sudden
Twist of fate caused by a meeting.
And that's the way it has always been.
A story that involves a broken heart.

If only this story could be tweaked
And edited to fit the desired outcome.
Maybe then a happy ending will form.
In an unjust world, stories like this
Appear all the time; whether we like it or not.
You like him, yet he likes her.
Just what is this unhappy ending?

Identity.

Just who am I?
Is this smile really real?
Or is it just a facade, put on
In order to "fit in" with the others?

Although everyone is "smiling",
Just how many of those people smile
A genuine smile?
How many of them can truly say that
They are always happy when smiling?

Through today's society and life,
A fake smile is always around.
Are you one of the holders of
That type of smile?

If you...

{I... I think I did good on the audition. @w@. That, or the teacher loves to give mixed signals. xD}

No matter what, I'll always be

Your follower, helping you in

The best way I can for you to

Find your success.

If you become a hideous creature,

I'll follow you, looking for a cure.

If you become a star, I'll

Look for different ways to catch up

To your ever glowing hue.

If you decide to leave me in order

To follow your dreams and to

Seek your fortune, so be it.

I won't stop you from leaving me... Us.

But just know that I'll always

Follow you, even to the depths of Hell and back.

Maybe we grew apart during our

Time together; we found out how the other

Truly acts and how the other truly feels.

Or maybe we just didn't connect as we thought we did.

What ever the reasoning, it won't ever change

The feelings that I feel, and have always felt, for you.

If you become a an elderly man,

I'll become your elderly woman.

If you get married to the woman you love and... She isn't me,

Then that's fine. I'll be your first supporter.

Just... Remember to smile.

A Normal Day.

It was just a normal day.
The sky was blue and there wasn't a single cloud.
The sun shined down on the crowd, missing not a single head.
The day was abnormally normal, until I met you.
You walked towards me with mystery filled eyes,
Clad in a plaid shirt and jeans that hugged your legs.
I eyed every inch of you, starting from your head to your toes.
You walked closer, and our eyes met.
It felt like the universe was frozen, in a trance.
But suddenly our eyes broke contact, maybe because of you, or maybe because of me.
That brief, perfect moment was gone, never to come back again.
You walked past me, your cologne filling my every sense, leaving me to want more.
Our fates had crossed, and our moment of togetherness became
Sweet nothings.

The day was perfectly normal,
The sky was blue and the sun shone.
However, that little part, the moment
Our eyes had met, the day became
Incredible.

Teacher.

{-____-. Only 5 more weeks and I won't have to see those teachers again~ I remember at the beginning of the year all (or I should say, the two teachers I'm talking about) of the teachers had repeatedly said things about not bringing down others' self esteem, or to poke holes in their bucket. They went beyond those words so much. xD}

A being that tries to help students.
Someone who listens to your problems.
A person who loves teaching.
If you judge even one child because
Of their shy and misunderstood demeanor,
And you side with the more liked children,
What's the point of your position?
to go behind your fake words that
You meant to fill with sincerity.
Saying that you would listen to
One side of the situation, yet doing
the exact opposite.
Just what exactly are you trying to teach?
A hypocrite like you
Sickens me.

Behind the Smile.

{I just got back from my school field trip! It was such an amazing experience to be able to go camping, something I'd never done before. : ). I never did realize how dependent I was of things such as showers though... OTL.}

Behind this smile I'm
Breaking down and sobbing.
No matter how much I
Show a happy expression,
I can't change my feelings inside.

Why must this happen to
Only me when everyone else gets away?
Is it because life hates me,
Or is this how I have to atone for my sins?

Should I keep faking my personality
So that society can accept me?
Or should I be myself, even more
Isolated from everyone else?

When can I truly smile a
Happy smile, and feel
Like myself?

Future Self.

{I've always been interested in things like time capsules... Mostly things from the past. /Likes history. So whenever I get the opportunity, I would think about what would happen in the future, and this is kind of a result. OTL.}

Are you still the same
Weak child you are now?
Or have you grown out of
Your shell that separates you from others?

What ever happened at that incident?
Did you forget?
Or did something amazing happen?
Whatever happened, are you still the same?

Has there been any changes in
Your personality? Or are you still
Unable to join the others?
Can you make it through to them?

Be strong, be free, be yourself.
Even if in the future you forget,
Just don't forget who you once were.
Those memories will bind you
To the past, to your happiness.

What Am I?

You use me everyday,
Yet you fail to give me recognition
For my efforts.
Although I'm the one to put up with
The struggles and frustrations you have,
Although I'm the one to take your
Anger and mistakes in whole,
Why am I never recognized?
Am I really just
A piece of paper to you?

Zoo/Museum Animals

Pitiful creatures.
Gawked at each day, watched every second.
Unable to roam free in the wild,
Not being able to hunt for their own food.
With that, they are unable to
Find their own independence.
But without them,
Families wouldn't be able to
Get together and have fun.
But... Is our enjoyment
Worth the freedom of the animals?

A Child's Ignorance

They may be young
And not as smart as we would like,
But they are still able
To perceive the feeling of danger
Or when something is wrong.
Even though I have experienced this,
Why did I forget?

Although their ability to understand
The language is flawed
Due to the faults of the parents,
A child is still capable of
Understanding the tones and the hard language
The speaker uses.
Growing up in an environment filled
With insults of all kinds,
I knew that it hurts to hear the words.
So why did I blatantly
Insult the child, disregarding their feelings?
There is only myself to blame.